when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died
was aware that my legs were surrounded by water, but my top half was
almost dry. I seemed to be trapped in something slimy. There was a
terrible, sulphurous smell, like rotten eggs, and a tremendous pressure
against my chest. My arms were trapped but I managed to free one hand
and felt around -- my palm passed through the wiry bristles of the
hippo's snout. It was only then that I realised I was underwater,
trapped up to my waist in his mouth.
I wriggled as hard as I could,
and in the few seconds for which he opened his jaws, I managed to
escape. I swam towards Evans, but the hippo struck again, dragging me
back under the surface. I'd never heard of a hippo attacking repeatedly
like this, but he clearly wanted me dead.
Hippos' mouths have huge
tusks, slicing incisors and a bunch of smaller chewing teeth. It felt
as if the bull was making full use of the whole lot as he mauled me -- a
doctor later counted almost 40 puncture wounds and bite marks on my
body. The bull simply went berserk, throwing me into the air and
catching me again, shaking me like a dog with a doll.
Then down we
went again, right to the bottom, and everything went still. I remember
looking up through 10 feet of water at the green and yellow light
playing on the surface, and wondering which of us could hold his breath
the longest. Blood rose from my body in clouds, and a sense of
resignation overwhelmed me. I've no idea how long we stayed under --
time passes very slowly when you're in a hippo's mouth.
lurched suddenly for the surface, spitting me out as it rose. Mike was
still waiting for me in his kayak and managed to paddle me to safety. I
was a mess. My left arm was crushed to a pulp, blood poured from the
wounds in my chest and when he examined my back, Mike discovered a wound
so savage that my lung was visible.
The thoughts of Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf Should I be worried that the top Google result (update: in October of 1994) for Relentlessly Optimistic is to the former Iraqi Information Minister?
That's somewhat offset by the fact that the #3 link is to Sponge Bob Square Pants.