RelentlesslyOptimistic

Man in unfortunate saw-mill penis incident

I just couldn't resist the headline:

Man in unfortunate saw-mill penis incident | Metro.co.uk
A man has been taken to hospital in Australia after his penis and groin got caught in the machinery at a saw mill.

The Adelaide Advertiser reports that the accident is not thought to have had life-threatening consequences, but that there was a degree of uncontrollable bleeding involved.

The thirty-year-old man was taken to the Royal Adelaide Hospital.

A spokesman for Parafield Gardens Saw Mill said: 'He got caught in the log moving mechanism on one of the saws.'

The spokesman maintained that the man's injuries were not serious. Which is easy for him to say.

Via Miss C Recommends

Priorities

From jwz

We won!

Kansas City is Funkytown!

Mark Funkhouser for IS Mayor.

Get out and vote, Funky Town!

One of the many cool things about Mark Funkhouser's campaign is their willingness to let their volunteers and supporters join in the fun. Today's blog post features a video made by a supporter using the official "Funky Town" campaign song. Mark says that "we at Team Funkhouser have declared it our official 'Get Out The Vote!' video." (click picture to open player in new window)

Mark also links to this KC Star Buzz Blog photo of a woman wearing a miniskirt made from a campaign T-shirt.

 

Mark Funkhouser for Mayor!

I’m more excited about Mark Funkhouser running for Mayor than I’ve been about a candidate in years. I’ve volunteered for the campaign and recruited others to do so. I’ve even canvassed, something I’ve completely avoided since I left my first job as a canvass director many years ago.

I’ve been a fan of Mark’s for years, because I’ve seen the quality of his work as Auditor, and I’ve seen the improvements that resulted when his recommendations were implemented.

Mark so clearly wants to make the City work better for everyone, and is so clearly not a politician, that his appeal cuts across many traditional political boundaries. He speaks plainly, and with a sense of humor – his primary campaign included a video of his eight-week old poodle talking up his candidacy.

Want to learn more? Here, here and here.

"Taxes has dead shark eyes and doesn't even know my name"

One of my favorite blogs for great writing is Erin's Out of Character. Erin is working at tax preparation, which she appears to have enjoyed until this post. As she says:

"At first doing taxes was an energizing change of pace-- like realizing you have a crush on your friend's brother even though he's hunched over and clammy and never talks about anything but Darkon wargaming."

Later, reality sets in:

"Taxes does not give a fuck about me. Taxes rolls his eyes when I "quit" to go to the bathroom and Taxes has made it inordinately clear that an office Happy Hour is never ever going to happen. Taxes has dead shark eyes and doesn't even know my name. Taxes wishes I would leave his house already so he can get back to masturbating to dragon animae."

It's true: Taxes will never love you, or even like you very much. And forget about being comfortable enough to just hang out together. Read the entire post, and add her to your daily reading. Need more? Her About page is a terrifically funny introduction.

Image from Baltimore Aquarium via  McHenry County Blog 

Understanding

From monochrom

Some people really like them, especially frosted with sugar

Look closely at the subtext of the Krispy Kreme ad, from the local news of the NBC affiliate in Augusta, Georgia:

Click the pic to see it bigger.

Via For Your Entertainment

A different take on cats and Christianity

From For Your Entertainment

Because Their Lips Are Moving, Special Edition: Fox News

Jurassicpork of the Welcome to Pottersville blog has done a terrific job of collecting some astounding screenshots of Fox News stories that are, at best, dishonest. A few show simple mistakes, like putting a volcano in Indonesia instead of the Philippines, and some demonstrate Fox's militant fanaticism ("Why the fuss about torturing people who want us dead?"). But too many reflect clear attempts to mislead viewers, such as repeatedly referring to Republican gay pedophiliac predator Rep. Mark Foley as a Democrat.

 

Read all of Fox News at Its Finest

Are cats for true christians?

I don't like cats enough to want to live with them, but I don't hate them. In Are cats for true christians? the author describes why true Christians shouldn't own cats. I've extracted the key points and put them into a bulleted list so you don't have to read the entire 2800 word essay yourself.

First, of course, is that "...neither Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, faithful Job, the Apostles, Jesus nor any other human bearing God's favor himself owned a cat." And "...cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household."

The thing that saddens me is that there are only two items on the list that I haven't done (please keep your speculations to yourselves).

• coughing up fur balls
• licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies...[and] on the bodies of their human owners
• urination on the floor
• vocal and blatant promiscuity 
• widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony
• substance abuse of catnip
• stealing food from the table
• producing ungodly sounds
• excessive playfulness
• the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus

What's a newly enlightened cat owner to do with their pet devil's spawn? According to the author it's OK to give your cat to an unbeliever, or to stone it to death. 

Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath. Image from here